Self-love has always been a challenge for me. Over the past year, I have embarked on a journey to learn how to love myself for who I am. This journey has been a difficult process with many setbacks, often bringing me back to square one, questioning: why is self-love so challenging?
Self-love encompasses many aspects, from body image to personality. Various factors make loving yourself difficult, especially as a teenager. These include comparison, social media, negative self-talk, past experiences, perfectionism, and the fear of vulnerability. Many elements can hinder someone’s self-esteem in our modern world, making the journey to self-acceptance a complex but rewarding path.
The Struggle with Comparison
In my personal experience, self-love has been incredibly exhausting because I tend to compare myself with other people in my life. These comparisons range from questioning why I’m not as good at math as others to evaluating my body against what I see on social media. It’s easy to blame myself for “not being as smart” or “as attractive” as others, without seeing the bigger picture of what might happen in another person’s life.
However, I have gotten better over the past few months at not comparing myself to others by redirecting my thoughts to focus more on the positive aspects of my life and the things I’m good at. Whenever I catch myself comparing, I try to concentrate on growth areas instead of only focusing on what I lack. This shift in mindset has been crucial in improving my self-esteem and fostering self-love.
The Pressure of Perfectionism
Another factor that has greatly affected my self-esteem is perfectionism and unrealistic standards. I tend to have extremely high expectations in all areas of my life, especially academically. Even though I get relatively good grades in all my classes, I still have unrealistic expectations to do better and achieve perfect marks on all my assessments.
I’ve come to realize that these expectations are unrealistic because even the most intelligent people in the world experience times in their academic careers where they may not perform as well as they’d hoped. Additionally, I often expect myself to give 200% in everything I do and always be at the top of my game. This is also unrealistic because unexpected events can interfere with performance.
This became evident over the past few months as my family and I prepared to move back to Hong Kong, which came with unexpected challenges like finding a new school. During this time, I had to focus my energy on studying for entrance exams, writing essays, and attending interviews. As a result, I couldn’t put in the usual effort I would in school, leading to negative self-talk due to guilt for not giving my normal 200% to my academics.
Overcoming Past Experiences
Finally, my past experiences have really taken a toll on my ability to love myself. Throughout primary and early secondary school, I experienced bullying. Even though these comments were made over three years ago, there are times when I still feel insecure about what people have said about me. Despite not being the same person I was when the bullying happened, those comments still affect me.
Navigating Modern Challenges to Self-Love
While self-love has always been challenging, several factors make it particularly difficult today compared to the past. Social media and unhealthy comparisons, both with body image and in one’s personal life, significantly contribute to this challenge. Many people, especially teenagers, grapple with negative self-talk and internal criticism, which can severely undermine self-esteem. This internalized voice acts like a constant bully, always present and difficult to silence, leading to severe consequences for mental health and self-esteem.
Perfectionism is another common struggle, and it’s something I personally deal with as well. It involves idealizing perfection and feeling worthless if these standards aren’t met, profoundly impacting self-esteem. Moreover, it can lead to frustration with oneself when expectations, even unrealistic, aren’t fulfilled.
The Journey to Self-Love
Self-love is undeniably a complex aspect of life, and many people find it challenging. It’s an ongoing journey throughout life, requiring patience and compassion towards oneself. Although it may be long and arduous, it’s an essential journey worth undertaking.
To further explore the impact of self-love on mental health, the American Psychological Association provides insights into how building self-compassion can improve overall well-being.
Note
The Free Your Mind Mental Health Society is an independent youth-led organization. The contents of this blog are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. In the event of a medical emergency, please call your doctor or 911 or other local emergency numbers immediately.
