Coline Monsarrat’s new ebook, You Are Not an Imposter: Unlock Your True Potential So You Can Thrive in Life, dives deep into the pervasive grip of imposter syndrome. Half memoir and half guide, Monsarrat’s book exposes how imposter syndrome silently infiltrates every facet of our lives—from our careers to our mental well-being—without us even realizing it. Drawing on personal stories and scientific insights, Monsarrat explores how imposter syndrome breeds self-doubt, perfectionism, low self-esteem, and people-pleasing behaviors, holding us back from reaching our full potential.
The Roots of Perfectionism
Imposter syndrome isn’t just a fleeting feeling; it’s a pattern of thought that can seep into our core beliefs. One such belief is that our worth is solely tied to our achievements. This mindset is often rooted in childhood, where some parents set impossibly high standards for their children. Only perfect grades, winning performances, and flawless recitals were deemed acceptable. Mistakes and failures? Not allowed. For many of us who grew up in this environment, these standards taught us that anything less than perfection was unacceptable. As adults, this pattern continues, leading to unrealistic expectations, especially of ourselves.
Reflecting on my own journey to uncover the roots of my perfectionism, I discovered that I had internalized the idea that perfection was the only option. Failure? Not me. The mere thought of failing was so daunting that I often avoided situations where failure seemed possible.
A Childhood of High Expectations
To understand how I became this way, I revisited my childhood experiences. Growing up as the daughter of a perfectionist mother, I constantly heard—and felt—that second place was not an option. My siblings and I had to be the best in everything we did. Whether it was academics or hobbies, being first was the only way to make our mother proud.
The belief that being first would earn our mother’s pride led us to strive for perfection. This relentless pursuit meant avoiding activities we loved or hiding our mistakes. I longed for my mother’s approval so intensely that I went to great lengths to achieve it. I remember crying in class once because I received an A grade instead of an A+. My classmates were perplexed by my reaction, not knowing that I was conditioned to believe that only an A+ was acceptable. I feared that anything less would disappoint my mother, a fear that, in hindsight, was unfounded.
Lessons in Hiding and Honesty
My siblings shared similar experiences. My brother became adept at hiding his test results under his bed. When he was eventually caught, the lesson was harsh. Writing “I should not deceive my mother” 500 times left a lasting impression.
As I reflect on these words, my mother might seem harsh, but she was far from it. She was the best mother I could have asked for. The issue was my interpretation of her expectations. Yes, she wanted us to excel, but not at the cost of our happiness and mental well-being. When I brought home that A grade, she congratulated me, unaware that I had spent the entire class in tears, fearing her disappointment. I had exaggerated her desire for success to the point where my expectations for perfection surpassed hers.
Understanding the Parental Perspective
As an adult, I understand why my mother held such high standards and the intentions behind them. She wanted us to succeed in life, to have opportunities she never had. Her own challenges shaped her desire for our success. Yet, she didn’t realize that her pursuit of
perfection could lead us down a different path than she intended.
Being a parent is no easy feat. Most parents share a common wish: for their children to succeed and be happy, whatever that may mean. Sometimes, however, they inadvertently take the wrong approach. It’s essential to remember that our parents also carry scars from their past, influenced by the society and world in which they grew up.
Breaking the Cycle
And here’s the kicker—the cycle of perfectionism is vicious. When a child grows up believing that mistakes are bad and perfection is the only way, they often teach their own children the same. Until someone decides to break this negative cycle, it continues from one generation to the next. So, let’s be the ones who stop it. Let’s recognize the power of breaking free from imposter syndrome and its cycle of perfectionism.
Conclusion: Embracing Your True Self
In this journey, embracing our true selves means acknowledging that we are enough just as we are. Imposter syndrome doesn’t define us, nor do the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves. By understanding its roots and challenging its hold on us, we can unlock our true potential and live a life that thrives. Remember, the path to overcoming imposter syndrome starts with self-compassion and a commitment to embracing imperfection.
Let’s break the chains of imposter syndrome and step into our power. You are not an imposter. You are wonderfully and uniquely you.
Recommended book to read:
You Are Not an Imposter: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: Unlock Your True Potential So You Can Thrive in Life Coline Monsarrat shares her journey of overcoming imposter syndrome, a condition that almost killed her in 2020.
Many people think of imposter syndrome as only affecting careers or education. But the author discovered firsthand how it can infiltrate all aspects of our life without us even realizing it. And when it erupts in your health, the cost of it can be staggering.
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